231: Feel the fear of posting content and do it anyway | Jess Soto-Ramirez

You might not fear creating videos anymore… but maybe you fear talking about a certain topic? 

Maybe you fear making a mistake? Sharing something vulnerable? Asking for something via your marketing? 

Guess what? That is completely NORMAL and in this episode of The Content Queen Podcast, Empowerment Coach Jess Soto-Ramirez shares her 5-step process to help you feel the fear and do it anyway! 

If you LOVED this episode, make sure you share this on your Instagram stories and tag us @contentqueenmariah and @jesssotoramirez. ⁠⁠⁠

✨ ⁠⁠JOIN CONTENT BOOTCAMP AND GET YOUR STRATEGY REVIEWED BY ME (if you are the first 10) ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠✨⁠

KEY EPISODE TAKEAWAYS 👇

  • What fear is and why we all feel it 

  • The 5-step process to help you with fear 

  • Common fears you might feel

SHOW RESOURCES 👇

If you like this episode, don't forget to share it to your Instagram stories and tag me⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ @contentqueenmariah⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠!

Other than that, enjoy - chat next week 💕

ABOUT THE GUEST

Jess Soto-Ramirez is an Empowerment Coach, Keynote Speaker, and Podcast Host. Having navigated her own journey through the complexities of business, she's here to ignite the boss within you. Drawing from her experiences of being raised by a powerhouse single mum, and her own personal growth, Jess knows firsthand the power of resilience and self-discovery. Jess empowers women to work with their minds, boost their confidence, and reclaim their power for next-level success. Standing as a catalyst for transformation, leveraging her experiences to ignite possibility in others so they can embrace their strength, rewrite their stories, and propel their businesses and lives to new heights.

PODCAST TRANSCRIPTION

This is episode  231. And I'm talking to an incredible empowerment coach all about fear and the five step process to help us fear the fear post that content. Anyway, welcome to the content queen podcast. I'm your host, Mariah entrepreneur, storyteller, digital nomad, creator of content bootcamp and founder of content queen.

I'm here to teach you how to share your unique story, create content and market your business with strategy through the channels that work for you.  Each week I'll deliver a story to help you connect to a powerful strategy around marketing, business, and content creation. I'll also be joined by amazing souls and entrepreneurs who are here to share their own journey along with actual steps to help you take your business to a whole new level through amazing storytelling, powerful aligned marketing, and content strategy.

Let's do it.  All right, let's talk about fear and content creation. Now, let's talk  Very interesting concept because I think it's one of those things, no matter how many times you've posted on social media, how many times you've done podcasts, things like that. There's always those moments where you may feel, feel fear.

And if you are starting out in your journey, maybe that is all the time. And that is totally fine. One thing I find that does really help with, and has helped me in my journey with mindset around marketing and things like that is having some kind of plan and strategy, because then it's sort of. That part is done for you and you go, okay, I need to do this, this, and this.

And it sort of breaks it up into bite sized pieces, makes it a lot easier to action. So if you don't have a content marketing strategy, your mindset around marketing is a little bit out of whack at times. Content Bootcamp is our signature program. That is designed for small business owners and entrepreneurs to help them create aligned content marketing strategies.

Now, this is the last week to get my free review of your strategy.  So basically if you purchase, you'll get an email from me and I will set up a personalized folder for you. And once you've finished bootcamp, you have your strategy, you flick that over to me and I will go through your strategy and send you a video review.

Now it has already been snapped up by a few people. So check the link in the show notes to get access before this ends at the month end of this month. But we are talking about fear and our amazing guest is going to share a five step process to help with fear.  And this is a really powerful episode because it helps you not ignore it, but acknowledge and move through it.

So let me introduce the amazing guest and I'll come back and share a few things on my end. So Jess Soto Ramirez is an empowerment coach, keynote speaker, and podcast host. Having navigated her own journey through the complexities of business. She's here to ignite the bosses within you.  Drawing from her own experiences of being raised by a powerhouse single mum and her own personal growth, Jess knows firsthand the power of resilience and self discovery.

Jess empowers women to work with their minds, boost their confidence and reclaim their power for next level success. Standing as a catalyst for transformation, leveraging her experience to ignite possibility in others so they can embrace their strengths, rewrite their stories and, and propel their businesses into the future.

and lives to new heights. Jess is great. We did have a massive conversation about Columbia before the episode started because her surname is a Latina surname and she is from Columbia and I just really loved chatting about that before our episode, but let's hear from Jess. Welcome Jess to the podcast. It was so nice chatting to you before we hit record  for like an hour or something.

Can you please tell everyone a little bit more about who you are and what you do? Absolutely. Well, thank you for having me. And thanks for the awesome chat that we had. So my name is Jess Soto Ramirez and I'm an empowerment coach for women in business. So essentially I help women to reclaim their power, boost their confidence, and ultimately back themselves so that they can create the life that they really crave.

Hmm. Oh, I love that. That is a good transformational line there. Love it. So you shared a little bit about your story with me before, but yeah. What is your origin story and why did you start your business and how did you get to where you are today? Okay. I always feel like this is such a loaded question, right?

Because you're like, so where do I start? Where does it begin? I was born?  But look, I'm going to try to kind of package it up for you because I do feel like a lot of it, a lot of my childhood has influenced what I do today. And why I do it. So I grew up with a single mom for the most part. And she made some big ass changes. Sorry, can I swear on here? Yeah, go for it. Yeah. Sweet.  Cause it just naturally comes out and I'm like, Oh, hang on a second. Okay. So she made some big changes in her life. She came over here when she was very young and she comes from a, you know, tiny country town in Columbia. So. She basically did things to create something different for herself.

And we had a lot of struggle growing up. That's the reality of it. Like in terms of finances,  in terms of unfortunately toxic relationships, which we ended up in like, you know, living in a few refuges and then in department of housing and that type of thing. However, the one constant thing that was always there.

Was my mom and we, that was, you know, a strong, determined, driven woman and putting every effort to create the life that she really wanted to live. And, you know, I guess you don't always realize it at the time when you're a kid growing up, but looking back, I'm like this woman, she was so incredibly powerful, you know, and, and because of that stability is what we can then step on and create in life.

So that was like the foundational piece. And I guess that was what I observed growing up and what I took from it.  Excuse me. And then, you know, came life. So with life, it came, you know, its own experiences and whatnot. And I started making some big decisions about like, well, what do I want in my life?

And what do I want for myself and my descendants and, you know, the people to come.  And so that really influenced my decisions of like, what kind of relationships I had, what kind of friendships I had, what kind of big life decisions I made and some of those choices. And  the one thing I do remember was I never wanted to be an entrepreneur.

You know, you hear a lot of those stories. I'm like, Oh, it's entrepreneur from like three years old. I'm like, I never wanted to be an entrepreneur.  You know, it was like, no, thanks. I just want to go home, switch off. And that's it.  But  I also realized it was because I was telling myself some You know, pretty horrible stories about what it meant to be an entrepreneur, but not only that, it was more about, you know, I kept telling myself, I'm not really good at anything.

So therefore I just dismiss that, you know, and while you're saying that to yourself, you don't actually realize, and you don't realize until later that you're like, Oh shit, that really influenced a lot of my decisions of avoiding so many things. Cause I was like, I'm not good at that. I'm not good at that.

So anyway, over time I became a mom and becoming a mom. Spark something different inside of me. I used to work with so I worked in the community sector. I worked with young people. I worked in with kids in out of home care, and I started feeling like I don't want to keep doing this because it was very much draining on my energy and  It's, it's a tough, you know, it's a tough gig,  but I also started thinking about, well, what kind of life do I want to give my kids and what kind of life do I want to create for myself?

And what kind of mother do I want to be? So that's how I slowly ended up in my first business.  So my first business was called junior street. And it was a kid's street where label and I have so much gratitude for that business and for taking that first leap and seeing something in myself that I was like, Oh, actually, there's this little fire inside my belly that is like, do this, do this, you know it taught me so much this business, like it taught me so much about me, about my mindset.

My struggles, it really, you know, highlighted all my insecurities, you know, and at the same time, it really brought out all my passions in my life and, you know, those desires that I have and my commitment to some of those bigger causes about like, you know, I guess going back to, you know, growing up with my mom, where it was like,  women deserve so much better women.

Can create so much more, you know, and then you start seeing as you get older, the, the, the gaps and the differences and how women talk and, you know, the things that we hold ourselves back from and then over time in that business you know, I built a really beautiful community. It was very, The business was very much, yes, it was cool clothes, but there was always a meaning behind the message that was being shared with it.

It went a lot deeper.  And then I got to a point where I started feeling at least tug at my heart. It's the only way I can describe it is literally just felt like my heart was just being tugged in another direction.  And I really had to stop and just start listening to it and thinking about what's this tug about.

And I actually didn't know, I just knew that it was. me wanting to step into working with women, but women in the female in the business space, sorry. And I actually didn't know what that was, but I, I got to that point where I was like, okay, I know, and I need to trust that this is where I need to be going.

And that's how I eventually ended up in the coaching space and being an empowerment coach for women. So.  You know, it's a kind of, I feel like all these little bits have taken part to get me to where I am today. Yeah, I totally get it. And that's what happens with that story, right? And that's, we always have little things that happen along the journey that get us where we go.

And sometimes you think, wow, like if I didn't do that, I wouldn't be. Yeah. And that's awesome. Like, and I totally relate with the, I don't never thought I was going to be an entrepreneur. Cause it was never anything I thought about. Cause it was the same for me. Like I never grew up seeing entrepreneurs.

Like it was never, I didn't grow up in a household of business owners. So I didn't. I think that I thought I was going to just work for someone else. So I totally can relate to that. And it's actually incredible what you can achieve when you find what it is that you love. And and that tug at your heart, I guess, is just your intuition, right?

Just being like, Oh, there's something else there. And I absolutely love that. And yeah. So when you, we talked about what we're going to share on the show, one of the things that you said was feeling the fear and doing it anyway, which I really love that because there's no like fear is not a thing.

Let's eliminate it. It's like this. Let's acknowledge it and move forward.  I would love for you to share your own mindset experience with your clients and yourself around this concept of feeling the fear and doing it anyway. I'd love for you to explain and unpack this a little bit and share, yeah, how you've seen it in people in business or even in yourself as you've built your own businesses over the years.

Sure. So this whole idea, you know, you hear people like, Oh, you got to be fearless. And I just think that's a crock of shit personally, because I'm like, it's almost like saying you can't be human, don't be human. And fear is one of our most natural responses. And when we keep fighting against it, like I can't feel this and I shouldn't, you know, be in that space.

We just torture ourselves. And we work against, you know, the power of what we actually have inside of us. So  for me, gosh before citing junior street, like the fear was real, you know, like the stories in my head were real, the fear of, of what is going to happen. Like there is so much doubt in that, you know, and then comes in like that fear of judgment, people like, what are they going to say about me?

What are they going to think? This, you know,  She just walked out of somewhere and decided, Oh, I'm going to be a clothing designer. You know, who the hell does she think she is? And so it was like that fear of judgment. And that was probably judgment on myself as well. Fear of failure. Like what if I put all of this energy into it and it just  flops.

And then one that was really interesting was a fear of success.  Which I think we don't speak about enough and we don't realize how much it plays into our life. But that was definitely one that it was like a really vivid one for me. And it was really wild when you started to put the two and two together to go,  Oh my God, I'm actually fearful of success when the reason I'm stepping into this is to create something, to be successful, to, you know, all these big dreams, but yet I'm holding myself back.

You know, so that was those moments where I just went, like, I'm really limiting myself in certain things that I said. And like one example of that was in Junior Street.  I remember, so I would create collections and the work and energy that goes into launching a collection is, you know,  most people only see that, ta da, here's what we prepared earlier.

And then it's like, oh, but you don't know this blood, sweat and tears that went into it. Anyway, and so I would get to that point, I'd get it all out. And one of my fears would be like, what if one of my thoughts was, what if I sell out?  And I'm like,  why am I even thinking? Isn't that the whole point of this?

to sell out, right?  So why am I fearful if, what if I sell out? And that's where I really started tapping into like this fear of success. And like, what does that mean for me? And as well as a mother, I think in many ways I had to do work on myself because that fear of failure, Becoming successful. Like, well then what does that mean about my identity?

What does that mean about me as a mother? Does that mean that I'm not going to be available for my kids? Does that mean I'm not going to be available for the things that I care about in life? Because often, you know, what we see about entrepreneurs is that they, you know, run to the ground and they don't have time for their family.

And I had this really tainted idea that. If women were successful, it's because they weren't really giving all of that to their kids and their family and I guess my mum gave so much to me so the idea of me not being like that was like, I can't do that.  But it was, it was more about stories because I get to create.

What I put into it, right? So there was that whole fear of success. And then I think there is just in general, so many fears in business, you know, like most of us have been taught to be employees. Like most of us, like you, we weren't taught how to be a boss, right? We weren't taught how to run your own company.

We weren't, we didn't see examples of people running their companies. We didn't see any of that. We had to make up. What that look like for us and so I think that's a fear as well because you go into it and you don't realize what it actually means to be a boss versus being an employee and there's that like mindset shift of like employer,  employee mindset and a boss mindset, you know.

Yeah. Yeah. And so I think that some of the fees that I've seen in clients very much that  they're very common, right? And they sort of go across most entrepreneurs in one way or another. So it may show up differently for each person. And but if you dig at it. Essentially, there's these fears that sit under there, you know, and I think the fear of judgment is a massive one especially in a society where we're so concerned about everyone and everything. I think the fear of failure because we all think we need to be perfect and amazing at everything, you know which just made me think about today. I No, tomorrow is dropping a podcast episode of like, give yourself permission to fuck up because essentially  we feel like we have to be perfect and not fail at anything.

Right. So, but anyway, there's that kind of fear of failure. I think those are the two really big ones in business. And then also that fear of having to show up and really be the first person of your business. And, you know, in a social media world where we are putting ourselves out there. You know, it's, it really, it can be very challenging.

Mm. Yeah. And one thing I want to touch on, cause you said that like we weren't taught to be business owners and actually it's interesting cause in Australia, that's not what we see a lot of, but I'm thinking back to Columbia, my partner. Yeah. That's business owners. That's basically what everyone is, is a business owner.

So it's interesting with this like cultural thing as well. Like he just, it's natural to him to get feedback from clients to, you know have to give feedback to someone else to have to do all these things that we're not used to having as Because as an employee, maybe your boss takes feedback from the CEO or, you know, you have all these things that we're like, Oh, I haven't, I'm not used to that.

And I think like, you know, if we've been working since we're,  I know 14  and you've only been in business like five years, 60, whatever it is, even not as much, you have to learn that like process, even if you've been a manager in like a corporate space. Yeah.  You're under a company at the end of the day, whereas like when you're, you're in business owner or you like, you are the face, especially as you said, you know, people think of you when they think of that business and they're the person that's who they're going to ridicule, you know, if they want to, if they've got a problem or if they're thinking about the success they think of you.

So at the end of the day, like no matter what it is, but it's interesting with that social media thing, because it's so true. Like You know, there's been times like people like me, like a market like me might say, be controversial, do this, do that. These are the things that are going to help you be seen on social media.

And then you're like, but then, then I get ridiculed. And like the more followers I get and the more audience I get, the more negative feedback I get. Cause unfortunately that's just how it is. The more people we're in front of, the more chances we have of getting both positive and negative feedback as opposed to, you know, playing it small and not really going out there with how you think and how you feel.

Because yeah, we. We know that naturally, like big influences or people with millions of followers, you don't have to look at that comment section to be like, Jesus Christ, like that, you know, even if the trolls come out of them, it's just what naturally happens. And I think that's something that  we don't think about when we're creating, but it's in the back of our minds.

Like you said, if you keep digging, you see that there's a fear that's holding us back. And a lot of the times we're unaware of why we're not getting success in this area, why we're not seeing results in that area, because there's probably a fear underneath it that's holding us back. And it's, you know, it's that thing, that idea of like, like, I'll give you an example.

In one of my coaching sessions, I was speaking with a client and she was like,  look, I really want to do a giveaway, but I don't know why, but I keep holding myself back from reaching out to other businesses. Right. So straight away I'm like, okay, talk to me. You know, I want to get into your head a little bit.

I want to understand what's the thought process behind that. And ultimately, once we go through that, it's actually got nothing to do with the giveaway. It's got nothing to do with the collaboration. It's got nothing to do with any of that. It's actually got so much to do with your fear of perhaps being rejected.

Or for some people, it's You know, a fear of asking and receiving, because that's another thing that we, especially if you're a strong, independent woman, like you and I have been talking, right? Yeah. I hear you. I see you. I'm exactly the same. And then calling on help or asking for this or that. It feels so it feels icky.

Yeah. It feels like that's not me. I don't, I can do this by myself, blah, blah, blah. And we learn, right. As entrepreneurs, we don't do it all on our own. Like if we essentially want to.  become where we, you know, if we want to get to where we want to be, we can't do it on our own. And so it was interesting just kind of unraveling this with her where essentially for her it came down to having to receive something that she felt like, Oh, how can I even ask for that?

And then in that situation, it was also the reframe. And that for me, if reframe is so powerful, because it's like, we need to see it from a different perspective, you know, one of my hoodies in my first business actually was mind your perspective, because I think that our perspective is so critical in where we go, right?

And whether you go in this to the left, or if you go to the right, like those, those pivotal moments are so powerful.  So being able to unravel all of this for her and actually helping her see something different. And then we, by the time we finished, she was like, okay, cool. Like this is my strategy. This is where I'm going.

These are kind of my mind frame, you know, my mindset shifts that I need to work on, be aware of and work through them. Then she'll end up doing her giveaway. Right. But she's been just, Like sitting on this for the past month of like, I want to, but I won't, I want to, but I won't, I want to, but I won't. And that's exactly what you said.

It's the fear that's actually sitting underneath it all. Yeah. Yeah. And the stories we tell ourselves is massive, right? And it's only from our own, it's like why some people are scared of heights and some people aren't, you know what I mean? Like we've all had something that's happened that makes us think like that.

And I think the problem is a lot of the times we're like, But what if that happens again? It's like, you'll get through it. You know what I mean? Like, you know, there's lots of things that come up, like, Oh, what if I, and, and especially in the creative space, like freelancers, things like that, you know, you submit a piece of work to a client and sometimes you're like, what if they give back like bad feedback?

Okay, well. You just navigate through that and you make it better and then you send it back and then over time feedback gets easier to take, you know, and like the same, what if I post a thing on social media and everyone thinks I'm an idiot or they ridicule me or I get negative comments. It's like, you only know until you do it, right?

You don't really know unless you put it out there, which I think really does encompass that, you know. Acknowledging it but still doing it even though you feel it and it's not suppressing that emotion. It's not trying to cut it off. It's just acknowledging it as you say reframing it and I love that and just putting it out there.

And, you know, even for example, sending an email to be on a podcast, you know, sometimes it's like, you know, it's like, Oh, okay. What if they say no? And it's like, well, what if they say yes? You know what I mean? And if they say no, we're generally not like, no, you're not coming on my podcast because you're not good at what you do.

Like, am I actually going to say that to someone? No. You know, I might say something else. I might say, oh, right now it's not a good time. Like I'm not, you know what I mean? I think sometimes we're like, well, what's the worst thing that can happen? Right. They're going to tell me that I'm like, shit at what I do.

All right. Like they don't know that. Yeah, but that's that fear of like rejection. Right. And like that fear of judgment, they're going to think that I'm shit at what I do, you know,  judging me and I don't want to be judged because naturally you feel like, Oh, don't, because you want to be in your safe space, you know?

Yeah. And unfortunately with entrepreneurship, it's like that biggest, like personal development journey, and you've got to do really hard things. And It, you know, some days is easy, some days it's not, but you mentioned that you have like a five step guide that can sort of help us work with our fears.

So I would love for you to take us through what this process is because I am, you know what, I'm going to be very transparent, one of my biggest fears, fear of losing people.  And it's come back from, you know, past things, losing friends, losing boyfriends. And I've, I've kind of started to, you know, obviously I think it's life work, but that's what happens when, you know maybe a client wants to end their contract because, you know, Like they've got different business investments or, you know, just some things happen.

Maybe they're also deciding, and then you go, is it because of something I did? So that is my biggest fear. And that also happens like, yeah, it can happen with social media or content. Or what if I post this? And I mean, I think the fear of social content kind of went out the window a while ago for me, but.

You know, that's probably identifying that fear in me helps me a lot to navigate through it when I feel it. I think that's, you know, acknowledging it or finding it is the first step, right. Or maybe it's not, please tell us what the steps are. Like, I think that there's, I'm very big on self awareness and I think that is like a critical piece whenever you're trying to do something that provokes fear inside of you.

So for me, there's like the five steps  have supported me and supported my clients. So for me, the first one is that recognizing it, you know, recognizing it and calling it out. Like you're saying, you've become aware of this fear that you have and you're like straight up, okay, I know it's there because if you're not willing to recognize it, if you're not willing to acknowledge that it's there, if you're not willing to see how it's impacting you, then  It stops there.

You can't take another step to address it, work through it, come out of it. You're stuck there. So that's your kind of, you're just going to revolving door. Whereas if you can take that first step to go, okay, I see this coming up for me and I see this constant thought coming up for me of like, you know, I know for me, one of the ones that I've severely had to work at is like, Oh, you're not good enough.

Like, who do you think you are to be doing this? Like, that is this one. I'm like, Oh my God, you torture the shit out of me. Right.  But it's that you too. Yeah.  But it's that constant work that we have to do, because again, that comes from some kind of fear or, you know, again, experiences that you've had.  So it's the first step I would say is definitely going, I see you.

I hear you. I see you. I know you are there. And just acknowledging that for what it is. Mm. Yeah. That, that, and that's that awareness piece, right. And it's, and often we just ignore it and that wonder why we can't get through it. Yes. Exactly. You just ignore it. But then why am I still going around the same thing?

When am I still getting the same results? Why am I still not doing that thing? Why am I still at the same place that I was, you know, two years ago, for example, like it's that constant, but unless you are open and willing to just stop and call it out for what it is.  Yeah. You're just going to keep going around in that, you know?

Yeah. And it's interesting, say, for example, that client you mentioned that has been trying to do this, you know, giveaway or And she's not doing it. And then, but like, until she addressed the fear and said, like, there's a fear here and you guys unpacked it together.  So I guess it's like, when you notice you're not doing something, like you said, why, what's come up?

Tell me why you're not doing that. I think that question's really, that's that awareness, you know, acknowledging it, recognizing  it, because sometimes we just, we don't take a step back to go, why am I not doing that thing? What is stopping me from doing? And actually I call myself out a lot sometimes with this, like, you know, you, you got to send a neat certain email.

You've got to get all like, you avoid a piece of work that you want to work on. You're like, why  it's that? Why, why, why? And trying to understand what it is. And that's why your work is so great too, because you help people  sometimes can't see it. Cause you're in your head. Right. And that's why I'm always having my mentors.

And we're busy entrepreneurs, right? Yeah, we don't have time to sit back and reflect. You know what? I'm not going to do that right now. Just move on to the next thing. Exactly. And that's why it's always good, like, you know, as you say, you can't do things alone. That's the same thing as with, you know, we all need a good therapist.

We all need a good mentor or coach that can say, hey, like, you know, what, what's going on here? Because, you know, I actually, I find the more I speak, the more I understand what's happening and I'm not sitting in my room talking to myself. Like I feel it's when I talk to someone else. Yeah, yeah, it's true.

It's true because it's almost just like this process of just, venting it all out, your mind is processing what's going on as well. And if you're ready to be aware with yourself, you're like, Oh, hang on a second. I just said that, but is that really what I think? You know, is that really what I'm feeling? And that those like, that's powerful.

And I know for some of my clients, you know, we talk about journaling. I don't know about journaling. I'm like, all right, what do you like to do? Are you more of a talker? You know? And they're like, yes, I'm like, we'll vlog something, just video, record yourself, just talk it through. Okay. It's the exact same thing, but you've just got to find what's right for you.

Yeah, good point. Okay, steps two to five. Tell us what these are. Step number two is I thank you. Yeah. So it's this idea of like, okay, thank you fear. I can see that you're showing up. So this sort of goes back to the first point that we started with being fearless, right. That I think is a load of shit because we can't be fearless that it's not in our DNA to be like that.

And we have to acknowledge that fear is there for a reason and create a healthy relationship with fear. Yep. If we're constantly in this fight, If we think of fear as a partner, right? And if you're constantly fighting with fear, well, you're not going to be very happy, are you? Right? But if fear became a partner that you had a good relationship with, and it became a partner that you could communicate with, and you could talk around things, then you have a very different relationship.

Okay? So we have to acknowledge that fear is there for a reason. And we actually Have to have gratitude towards that, that feed, because feed does keep us safe. Right. And there's times in life where we need to be kept safe.  Yeah. If you're walking in the bus is coming, but we want fear to kick in. We don't want to be fearless.

We want fear to kick in and go  get off the road.  But there's other times where fear goes, don't send the email. What if they reject you? Right. There's a fear again, and that's where we have to go. I see you. Thank you for coming to do what you feel you need to do for me, but I got this. Yeah. And it's almost like talking through it and just going, I can see you.

I can feel you. And I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I'm making choices here. And Brunette Brown gives a beautiful example of this, and I don't know if you've heard it, but  she talks about fear being often, if say you're sitting in the car and it's you and fear, and the fear's driving, you know, and you're sitting in the back seat, The moment you flip that and you go, hang on a second for you, hand over the keys, off you go, jump into the backseat, I'm turning on the car, I'm stopping the car, I'm turning left, I'm turning right, I'm doing what I need to do when I need to do it, but I'm going to keep you in the backseat because I need you in my life, then straight away it's a very different dynamic.

A very different relationship that you have with fear. You're not booting it out of the car, right? Because you need it there, but you're also taking the keys back. You're taking back the power and you're taking back that authority to say, no, no, no, I can take care of myself too. And I got this.  So that would be number two.

Then if we go on to number three think about it as you need to challenge it, okay, because it's very easy that we believe every one of our thoughts, okay, so fear often pops up as a thought,  as well as a physical response, but it is often a thought. So such as the story that I used to tell myself, you're actually not very good at anything, right?

Then if I don't challenge that, well, I will continue to tell myself I'm not very good at anything and so I won't do anything different, but you at some point you have to challenge yourself and you need to go against it. So I think about this scenario as like, say you were going, it was you against fear.

And you're in the court of law and you've got to stand up and you've got to defend your case.  So what would you do? You've got to get evidence. You've got to get proof. You've got to, you know, draw back the files and look at the things that you've done in your life. And when you've pushed through the fear and what you're actually good at and blah, blah, blah, right.

That's you essentially testifying against it based on your evidence. So you might have a brag book, you might have a book where you just write things that you're really proud of yourself, or you might have that idea of like, no, you know what, when I did that, I actually did that, and I came through it, like, there's so many situations, scenarios in our life, where we're like, I did it, and I was okay.

But if you keep going with that thought that fear is putting into your head, where you'll never be able to see the other side.  Okay. So that's that whole testify, stand up in court, prove your, you know, give you evidence. That's great. I've got a such a visual  power suit on. And then the next step is flip it and reverse it.

So I like to refer to Missy Elliott's, you know, put it down, flip it around. What a song. I know. Right. In this case, I had to put my thought down, flip it and reverse it, right? So put that thought down, you've got to think, okay, and this is a bit of that fixed mindset versus a growth mindset idea where we've got, okay, so if I'm saying to myself I don't know, I can't send that email.

Because what if they reject me, right? I can't pitch myself to that podcast because what if they reject me?  So you can either choose to stay with that, or you can actually put that thought down and flip it and reverse it. Okay? And so what would be the flip and the reverse? It would be,  I'm doing, like thinking about the bigger picture.

Why are you doing it? You know, what's the purpose of it? And what's the worst case scenario if they say no? It's okay. I can do hard things. I can put myself out there. If I don't try, I won't know. Like it's all these little statements that we can shift them to be able to make them that are a bit more empowering for us.

And I'm not talking about toxic positivity here because that's something that's like, yes, again, like I'm fearless. No, you're not fearless. Right. But you can do things with fear. And so it's that idea of flipping things so that they empower you more to take that next step and not be crippled by the fear.

So once you've done that, then you've got your next step and it's do the damn thing. Yeah, just do it. You gotta do it right. You gotta do it with the fear. You gotta do it knowing that, okay, this is the step that I know I need to be taking and I'm going to back myself in this and I'm going to reframe what I'm saying and I've got proof that I can do this.

You do the thing and then you want to celebrate it. Yeah, you want to celebrate it because the moment that we celebrate something it creates a different energy around it creates a different vibe. If you just got did it next.  Why would you go back and do it again? Like if you're not feeling good about it the moment you celebrate it and you're like, yes, I did it.

You know, your celebration could be super basic. Could be fist pump in the air. I got it. I got this, right? It could be giving your partner a high five. It could be you going for a walk. It could be sitting outside for 10 minutes, enjoying a hot chocolate. Whatever it is. But doing something to acknowledge what you've just done, celebrate that.

In whichever way you like so that it creates a, that it creates  neural pathways that's like, Oh, this was actually a good thing. And so when we think about it, we look back and go, Oh, that was actually a good thing. It wasn't as scary as we started out, you know, and we worked through it and we celebrated it and look, we're still here.

So it's reinforcing those messages and creating something different in our mind that doesn't allow us to keep going back to that default mode. Yeah, that's actually, I think, a one that we would miss all the time, right? Because you just, as you said, on to the next thing. But then, then you wonder why every time it comes up, you still feel the, like, feel, More, or if not the same amount of fear, but you know, it's like, at least it gives you that, yeah, as you say, that neuro pathway is like, you know, change to that is a good thing.

And I think we don't celebrate enough and that's like, it happens so often we get so caught up with things like even, you know, we've had good things happen in the business, but it's all busy. So you've got to, you know, do the things. And then I was like, Oh my God, we haven't like, you know, It's celebrated that this is what's, you know, been going on.

So I'm like, no, we have to. So we booked like a weekend down in Melbourne, but it's like, yeah, you kind of just forget that you should ignore it because what's the point of doing it? Right. If you're not going to like, you know what,  and it's funny that's come up for me a lot. It's like, we're all doing something for the end goal of being happy or enjoying something.

Right. So something super stressful. Cool. Yeah, okay, that's like pretty common, but like if, if you're doing your work and you're finding yourself like,  you know, being really hard on yourself, all this, it's like, I'm meant to be doing this because I enjoy it. You know what I mean? And that's like something I've been trying to tell myself as well.

And the part of that is I guess celebrating when you do those hard things or you do those things that make you feel uncomfortable. Because. Yeah, otherwise, as you said, you're gonna, you know, it's not going to feel any better anytime. But one thing that came to my mind when you spoke about that is a couple of years ago, I had a pretty crazy health thing.

experience, and I quit alcohol. And I wanted to do a post, I think it was like, I can't remember how long I'd been not drinking alcohol, but I wanted to do something about my experience not drinking alcohol. But it was a really uncomfortable post for me, on my personal profile, but it was like my personal brand.

Yeah. And I remember like typing it, putting it all together, and then going like, oh, I feel weird, like I don't often feel uncomfortable about posting stuff on social media, I feel uncomfortable. And I just went,  post.  Lock, throw. And I just threw my phone on the bed and I'm like,  in an hour, I'm going to come back to that.

And I'd forgotten about it. I went and did something else. So maybe that was me doing your stages without realizing it. And I come back and then I looked and there was like beautiful messages and you know, and I was like,  Just throw it. Yes. So sometimes it's just do the damn thing, right. And just close your computer and just walk away for a bit because like it, it's, you know, even I'm sure this happens with content creators that create content all the time.

They think, and you know, sometimes they get the backlash, but I find what happens in this like online world, even with like content, people forget about it in five minutes for one. And these influencers get better at handling it because they go,  I didn't die last time. I'm still here. Obviously if they did something bad, it doesn't mean they do it again, but you know, if they got backlash for something that they did, that, you know, whatever, I guess they build this resilience as well to overcome it.

And you know, of course there's hard days with anything, but I think I love this process because it gives you something. And I feel like everyone just needs to sit at next to their desk and just like, you know, Every time something comes up, go through this process because this is how we're gonna get shit done.

Right, exactly. And this is how we're gonna post that thing on social media or start that podcast or ask to be on that podcast or send out your new offering or whatever it looks like. I mean, obviously a lot of people listen to this from a marketing and business perspective, but it can literally be anything that happens in our lives, you know, like Absolutely.

It could be the most personal way ever. Like it could be anything. Going on that date, you know,  you know, and, and like, and, and I think what happens is, yeah, it gets easier to do it. The more you do it. Like I remember even starting, like if I use dating as an example, when I fit the first day, you're like, Oh, I feel sick.

I don't want to do this. And then by like, you know, a 10th date with someone else, you know, this is easy. I know, like I trust myself because it didn't turn out that bad. I didn't die. Like,  but what I love you saying is what's the worst thing that can happen? Because this came up for me. When I got sick and I knew I needed surgery and the doctor said you can at least not work for two weeks at least He said two weeks you'll be Tubes things everything and I was like shit.

What if I lose everything? I've created like I'd gone full time in 2020  and this was early 2021 So I was really only six months full time in my business consistent clients all that jazz Working really hard to try and get it to work do what I want. And I was like, what if I just lose everything in a matter of two weeks?

And I was listening to a podcast that said that what's the worst thing that can happen? I have to start again, but I don't have to start again in terms of my social media, or I just have to get some new clients, right? Like it wasn't starting from scratch. And I imagine that thing happened to you when you were starting a whole different new business.

Well, you know, shit, I've got to, you know, start again, but you already had the stuff you'd had previous. So I already had the knowledge of, you How to get clients. I had social following. I, and I remember people reaching out and be like, what can we do? And I'm like, I need clients. And then after I got back into it, I was like, like I did lose clients, but I was like bombarded with like, Hey, I need work or people sharing it on my socials or, you know what I mean?

And, and that was like, when I said to myself, what's the worst thing that can happen? And I was like, yeah, okay. I have to start again. And then when I thought about it, I was like, well, it's not that bad. I mean, the worst case scenario in life is. you're no longer here. And that was like my thing. The worst case scenario in my life is I die.

And that's, you know, I'm going to try really hard to make sure that doesn't happen, but in, I'm going to be okay if I can get through this and, you know,  You know, if I lose a couple of clients, it's really not as bad as the alternative. You know what I mean? So I think  it's like that perspective. Isn't it?

Your health scare obviously would have brought in some type of perspective, right? Like, Oh, what am I doing? What's going on in  life? But then also being able to shift your perspective. Okay. So what is the worst that can happen? And then how can I deal with that? You know, so, and it's not to set yourself up for the worst thing, but if you're like, okay, well I can work with that, you know, straight away removes the power from that fear of like, no, I can't do this.

Automatically you've jumped into the driver's seat rather than sitting in the backseat, you know?  Yeah. And it's not like, oh, what's the worst thing that can happen? Prepare for that and then manifest it. It's just acknowledging that's the worst thing that can happen. Yeah. I can deal with that. And then, yeah, going forth and, and conquering, as they say, but yeah, I feel like, you know, fear is a big thing that why people don't, you know, start that podcast, as I said, create on social media, but I really love.

that concept of, okay, I'm not posting on social media. I'm not starting that podcast. Why? And like unpacking that fear, because often it's not, oh, I fear of posting on social media. It's, I fear what people will think, or I fear this, this, and this. And I think unpacking that is the power, right? Like it's not the actual action.

It's the thing that is behind it. It's like, okay, what's going on underneath, you know? It's like my husband says to me, like, he goes, it's like, your job is like just digging through dirt to find the golden nuggets, you know? And I just imagine a squirrel like digging, digging, digging. Like, that's my way to describe it.

But you do, you have to dig at it. Cause otherwise you don't see it, but you're pulling, pulling out the gold because that's, what's going to  help you.  Yeah. And then you can melt the gold and turn it into gold blocks and sell it. Exactly.  I like that visual. That's amazing. Thank you so much. Well, we've, we, we did chit chat a bit at the start, so I won't take any more of your time.

Oh, that's totally fine. I love these chats.  Is there anything else you want to add? Leave as a parting piece of advice around mindset, whether it, yeah, business related, content related, whatever comes to you and then how can people find you and connect with you and learn more of your magic. Okay. So look, I think one of my big things.

that I want to share is the power of self awareness, which we've dabbled into that. Yeah. So understanding yourself is really key, but at least being open to understanding yourself and not just going, Oh, well and the power of that reframe. So thinking about like, well, how can I reframe this for it to work with me?

So it's something as simple as I don't have this, but what do I have? Yeah, it's that shift. And, and  I feel like often one of the things is that we feel like we have to go all in, we have to do all of it. So like, if I'm pitching myself to that podcast, well, I have to write the email, I have to send, I have to do all the steps that are required there.

So I would love to encourage people just to go, what's the one small step that I can take? So it might just be to decide on three podcasts. You're going to pitch yourself to, right? That's just one step. The moment you start to create more steps and momentum, that's when you start to build up a little bit more of your confidence and your self trust to be able to go, okay, now I can do the next one.

Now I can do the next one. So don't, don't bring it all on because that can feel really overwhelming and just take one step and I go, okay, so today I'm just going to write the. You know, my pitch, for example, like break it down into smaller steps, which I think is unfortunately. undervalued, small steps are undervalued, and they're the small steps.

If you don't take those small steps, you can never get to the bigger steps, you know, it's the small steps that create that big step. So that would be my advice. So the, the self awareness, the small steps, and the power of the reframe.  Love it. And just get curious. Just get really curious with yourself.

And where can people find me? So I hang out mostly on Instagram. So it's at Jess Otto Ramirez. It's a tongue twister. We'll put it in the show notes. It'll be in the show notes, I'm sure. Also at JessOttoRamirez. com as well. But Instagram's probably my favorite place to hang out. DM me. I love chatting with people.

If you've got questions, if you're kind of in that space, like, shit, I really want to do this, but why am I not doing it? Come and just ask. Yeah. I'm happy to chat. And if you want to book a call, you can book a call as well. And the other place that you can find me is on my podcast. It's called Ignite with Jess Otto Ramirez.

And that podcast is essentially. The stories of women, right? Women behind the business because I think we can see ourselves in other people's stories. And when you can see someone else can do it, you're like, Oh, fuck, actually, maybe I can do it too. And so draw strength from that. As well as, you know, me ranting on about all kinds of things.

Love it. I love it. People love the story. Like even when you,  Yeah. Your origin story. I always say people always comment, like they love that part because they love connecting with other people in business. Well, thank you so much, Jess. That was so awesome. And I've loved chatting with you today. And it's really got me thinking about my fears and how I can feel it and do it anyway.

And I think, yeah, that five step guide is really perfect for anyone and any fear. And I think it's just so, so helpful. Starting with, as you say, that self awareness, which is huge. So thank you so much. Thank you, Mariah, for having me. I've loved chatting with you today. I love the episode so much because it's practical.

It gives you something to move through. If you haven't already taken notes, we are going to do a collaboration post together with those five steps. So you'll be able to see that and use it, save it, write it down. Take all the notes. And of course we always post a transcription of the episode when this podcast is out.

So if you go to www. contentqueenmaria. com forward slash podcast forward slash two, three, one for the episode, you'll get the transcript and you can go through and get those five, the five step process, but basically. Just because I create a lot of content doesn't mean I don't feel fear with it. And I think there are times I feel really uncomfortable.

I feel uncomfortable when I'm creating content for clients at times, and we have to hit post, you know, when it's a new client, sometimes it can be overwhelming to hit post, especially if they've been doing it themselves before, or if they've had someone do it for them, and maybe we're doing things a little bit differently. You know, there's lots of things that go through my head and anyone's head when they're posting content, whether it's for themselves or others, then of course there's talking about like uncomfortable topics that may be, you know, you're a little bit scared to share cause you don't know how people are going to react.

Fear comes up in different ways. It isn't just the fact of recording a video of yourself. It could be the topic. It could be the delivery that you're doing anyway. Like fear is, you know, No one is, you know, incapable of feeling fear. Like as Jess said, it makes us human. And there's many things that people help, you know, to go through these processes, many tips, but I really love this five step strategy or this process because it really does allow you to feel it.

And I think, you know, no matter what, and you know, things go wrong. Like I've recently had an EDM I scheduled on a Friday afternoon for a client and, you know, finish my day only to see that on Monday morning, it didn't go out because there was some sort of error in the system. Sometimes there's things that happen that are beyond our control, but it doesn't mean that I'm going to fear every time I post something, I'm just going to double check that it goes out and maybe do it at a different time and things like that.

So, you know, With mistakes,  it shouldn't stop us from doing it again. It should also help us learn and grow. If there's something that has happened in the past, we're always going to go back, Oh my God, but remember when that thing happened. Like, we are human, we make mistakes. I think it's important to acknowledge it happens.

And I think it's how you, you know, fix any mistakes that happen or, you know, say you do say something on social media that might offend people. How you respond to that, I think, is important. So.  You know, while there's moments where we fear something that's just not going to happen, sometimes we fear things that may have happened in the past or that do end up happening off the back of that.

I think it's just how you navigate through it and just, you know, being super compassionate for yourself because things happen and it shouldn't stop us from, yeah, posting that thing again or supporting that client or whatever it looks like, you know. And I think it's just the acknowledgement, like even that step one, like acknowledging it.

In the terms of if you have made a mistake, like I, you know, that was a mistake that I made doesn't mean I'm going to make it again. So I just wanted to share that because I think that comes up a lot too, especially if you are supporting other people with their content or you've, you know, create a content in the past that maybe didn't hit the mark.

Maybe people didn't resonate with, or you got some feedback from it that, you know, maybe surprised you or deflated you a little bit. Things happen. And, you know, in the world of social media, we're exposed to a lot more people than we ever have been. So we are going to get more feedback. So I just wanted to share that, but be a content queen or King, and remember that developing your strategy and story develops your business.

Thank you so much for joining me today. And please don't forget to share this with all your business and entrepreneurial friends. You can do this by adding it to your Insta stories and tagging me at content queen Mariah, or just tell them about it, share the episode, let them know.  If you do have a minute to make a review or a rating that really does help me get more guests like Jess on.

These people find me through the charts and they pitch episodes to me and to be in the charts, we need reviews. So if you do have a podcast,  also a very good tip to take on. If you want your podcast to be seen by more people, if you want to help more people, if you want more guests on your shows, you want people to reach out to you, It, you know, more likely than not, it's going to come through people seeing you in the podcast chats.

So if you love content queen podcast, and if it gives you a lot of value and you want to see more guests come on and more great content, please leave a cheeky review. I will love you forever. Follow me on Instagram or TikTok and just let me know if there's any topics you want us to talk about in the future.

We are always planning and making sure that we answer questions. A lot of my content comes from a lot of conversations with you all, whether it's on Instagram, whether it's through, you know, talking with clients, but, or, you know, seeing questions on different groups and things like that. So if you have a direct question, I'm happy to answer it, not in a podcast episode, but I'm also happy to make one.

So make sure you message us and ask Any questions you might have, and I will talk to you soon. Bye. 

PodcastMariah MacInnesmarketing, marketing advice, how to be authentic online, business ownerComment